Why Kyman can't happen
by IhateMarySue'sSoooooMuch
Summary: Kyle and Cartman are finally going to make love. But there's one thing they didn't quite count on...aliens.


"Oooh Kyle…Kyle yeah…"

Seventeen year old Eric Cartman was having what he easily considered the best time of his life. His Jewish boyfriend and long time enemy Kyle Brofloski was unbuttoning his shirt with his teeth taking the time lick and nibble at any exposed skin he could get at.

"Oh Eric" moaned the Jew as Cartman pulled of his hat and ran his hands through his feminine boyfriends soft curly ginger hair "You've gotten so _fit_."

The Jew said that last word with particular pleasure and despite vowing to give up his sinful ways the larger boy loved to have his ego stroked by Kyle…among other things *wink*wink*.

"Oh Kyley-kins I can't wait. Hurry it up!" pleaded the fit boy who had once been fat but of course was fit now because for some reason fat kids always turn into hunks in high school.

The Jew ripped of his boyfriend's clothes before shoving him on to the bed and starting to remove his own attire. Kyle positioned his lover doggy style before mounting him. He knew Eric _loathed_ lubricant. The sexy bastard loved it rough and hard. Not that Kyle minded of course.

Kyle shoved his large circumcised love-rod into his lover's backside before he started to buck and thrust.

"Oh, oh Eric!"

"Yeah, give it ta me! Give it tah yah love pup Keeyal." Panted the teen while he tended to his own erection.

"Yeah! Yeah! Y-What the hell!?" exclaimed the Jew in befuddlement.

"What is it Keeya-I mean Kyle?" asked Cartman after hearing the fear in his lover's voice.

"I-I don't know?" stammered the Jew uncertainly "But it felt like…metal."

No sooner had the words left the Jews mouth when something cold and unmistakably metal clamped around the head of the boys penis with a vice-like grip. The Jew started to scream and trash as whatever it was pulled open the hole at the head of his penis and stuck a long cold pipe up his cock. Seconds later he feel what felt like acid burning through his testes.

"AHHH-AH! It hurts!" cried the Jew in pain.

Cartman successfully pulled his anus off of his lovers cock but-horror of horrors- a large metal arm was clutching the Jew around the crotch.

"Let him go! He's done nothing wrong!" cried Cartman, tears poured down his face just like how they poured down Kyle's face whenever he had one of his emo moments(which were fairly frequent I might add).

Seconds later there was a deafening **CRASH!** As the ceiling and walls collapsed and a huge alien aircraft with flashing lights landed in Eric's bedroom.

"MEEEEHM! Aliensareinmybedroomandagiantalienprobehascomeouto fmy "here the teen took a deep breath before continuing" assholeandisbitingmyjewishloverspenisoff!"

"That's nice hon!" cried back Eric's mother who was currently strangling a Dutch man dressed up as Indiana Jones while she stuck needles in her arm.

Suddenly a large tractor beam shot out of the ship and pulled Cartman and Kyle towards the craft.

"Nooooo-!" cried Cartman just as everything turned black.

**Ten hours later…**

Two aliens were walking through the cold sterile hallways in their ship. Both were dressed as doctors/scientists.

"So Bob how are the specimens doing?" questioned the first one in his strange and foreign language.

"Their bad" said the second with a frown "The one we inserted the probe in died of a heart attack and now the survivor… he is just really REALLY emo."

As the alien said this he opened a door showing a glass cage with a weeping boy inside, although his eyes and his hair and his body were so delicate and feminine you'd swear he was a girl. The boy slit his wrists while he cried, mournful for what was the loss of not just a best friend…but his one true love…

…**.**

…**.**

…**.**

**The first episode… the very first episode he gets a probe. How has everyone ignored this? If Kyle so much as even stuck a finger inside Cartman than he'd be burned to death… still at least it's better than Twilight ****…although at this stage I have to wonder what isn't.**


End file.
